Pain Behind the Smirk
by Theflowofwater
Summary: Creep, Psychopath, Stalker. That's what they all said, but none of them knew his pain, anguish, and feelings hidden behind his smirk. Now see it from the eyes of the legend himself. The one they call, Izaya
1. Introduction

Have you ever wished that you could go back in time?

That you could Posses the powers of a god?

Change anything, and everything you wish

Then live out the rest of your life in the best way possible?

Any death

Avoided

Any hurt

Rewinded

You would make your life perfect,

hiding all the bruises and scars that run deep within your heart

With the mask of happiness.

You would be a God

Of your own utopian world.

What would you give for that ability?

That…

Power.

The power for your Loved ones to still be alive,

To fix the mistakes and grief you have caused.

To make everyone….

Happy.

But it would be blind.

As you would only change your world,

But even then whatever you do would affect the lives of others.

Like dominoes, falling over one by one.

Whether it be suddenly, everyone would fall because of a fixed life.

Greatness and evil are present in this universe for reasons,

to even out an unstable balance caused by humanity itself.

And let us say we were ever even able to become Godlike -

The universe and all inside it, would collapse in on itself.

And all that would be left,

Would be none other that the ignorant godlike human.

The one who thought they could fix everything.

Otherwise known as me,

Izaya Orihara


	2. Prologue

I'm smirking, but look into my eyes.

Is happiness the emotion you see?

I remember it clearly, those days in where I could dream without boundaries,

Run alongside the wind, with no fear of tomorrow.

I doubt I shall ever see that side of myself again, as it's locked somewhere that barely exists anymore

The place where it all began,

My heart.

My soul.

I had a purpose then, pursuing the path to catalyze my dreams

But life's a winding road, where I had stumbled and swayed my way amongst the crowd

Don't get me wrong, I would never go back in time – or play God

But my fear of the unknown had been replaced with curiosity.

Curiosity that could only be replaced with actions.

After my mistakes have been made, I still hang on to one of my greatest strengths

Yet one of my greatest flaws, Hope.

But is there any way I could earn back that endless sky?

They can see in my eyes

Reminding me of my broken past

But I don't need anyone to pity me.

I've taken my fair share of risks in my life,

And I've earned the consequences that come alongside it.

Crying won't pave a way to forgiveness

Every sin carved is everlasting

Written in the scars on the hearts of those broken by them

I'm lost in this maze of emotion

What am I waiting for?

Now, these once blank pages of my life

Have become a plea to regain fallen virtue

All this time, I've been trying to run away from my own reality

One day, I'll live for something

And as soon as I find it

I've lived the life that fate had chosen for me,

But I'm not one to follow mindless roads, now am I?

I'll find a way, a silver lining.

The silver lining to the dark endless cloud,

Looming over me

Those lost memories,

Hidden beneath a façade of sins

My faith is lacking,

Yet, who am I to give up?

I don't deserve to

I must live for them,

The lives I have ruined, for the better of my own.

Live for the everlasting dream residing inside of me.

Since there's nowhere else to run

My life's goal,

To uncover and discover.

And with time, maybe,

Perhaps I'll let the feeling out

It's so nostalgic,

I can't continue on like this.

But what if all the love is worth the pain?

It's not a lack of pride,

I'm speechless in my own way,

I wish I could free the fear from their eyes

All I've been through and all that's yet to come

And all that I have become will remain as I roll the dice,

The dice of my destiny.

Once more, I close my eyes from the sight

But it's all a futile fight, for it's all etched inside my mind

The invite of a white lie,

Some can't resist the call to join in

But still, I thought I knew better than to give into the past

Once fury thorns in your heart,

The fire's quick to consume you

And what comes from those ashes – is none other than your reality

I'll live for something

My past and my present

Those people that I've torn apart.

Will I come across that future?

Can you hear me?

I'm screaming,

Inside the remains of my heart.

Lost chances,

But I got to make it through again

Because there's nowhere else to run

I try to make sense of why

I can't figure how to unlock the next door

I bleed on this path my past had paved

But I cannot turn back because my story's just begun

To open up my eyes to the possibilities.

There's still so much here, a life worth living

And with time I'll drown the feeling out

I need to right all my wrongs

And finish all things I've left undone

We've only just begun

I'll live for something

My past and my present

Those people that I've torn apart.

Will I come across that future?

Can you hear me?

I'm screaming,

Inside the remains of my heart

I'll live for something as soon as I find it

Will I come across that future?

Can you hear me?

I'm screaming.

Lost chances - but I have to make it through again

Since there's nowhere else to run

It's through my difficult life, I'll always be a closed door

I'll strive to become stronger

To face my life head-on,

And be aware of the price for my decisions

It's so nostalgic, maybe all the love is worth the pain

Maybe one day, they'll see

They'll experience the true meaning of hurt,

They'll realize

The pain behind my smirk.

This is the story of the misjudged being,

The one who looks through the windows of souls.

Now hear it from the perspective of an urban legend

The one they call

Izaya

The one I call,

Myself.


End file.
